What Childcare Directors Wish Parents Knew (But Can’t Always Say)
A Thanksgiving reflection on the people who hold our village together
Dear Parents of Young Children,
Thanksgiving week always slows the world down just enough that we have time to notice the people who make our days possible. We think about teachers, caregivers, coaches, parents, neighbors, and all of those who are part of our village.
This also means that, every year around this time, I find myself thinking about the person most families may not think to add to that list, even though their work shapes your child’s most formative years. The Director or School Leader at your child’s daycare, center or school.
So today, I want to make space for them and share some of the unseen work they do each day, with the hope that it gives a little insight into the critical role they play in your village.
You do get glimpses into their world. It may be a smiling face as you walk through the door in the morning, a call when your child spikes a fever, or a monthly newsletter talking about the amazing things happening in the classrooms.
But what you don’t see is the director already working at six in the morning trying to rebuild the daily schedule after multiple callouts, often while getting themselves and their own children out the door.
You don’t see the conversation with the teacher who almost quit because she feels like she is failing, or the quiet mediating between a classroom team who is trying their best but struggling to get on the same page.
You don’t see them pulling on boots and a jacket for the third time during a snowstorm to shovel the sidewalk so families can get in safely. Or plunging a toilet before it overflows into a classroom.
You don’t see them trying to answer your email for the third day in a row, and getting pulled into the toddler room (again) to do a diaper round. Or using their lunch break to buy extra mittens and hats for the children who don’t seem to have them.
You don’t see them crying under their desk after a parent yelled at them for a decision that was not theirs to make. Or trying to explain a classroom change while protecting the privacy of those involved.
These are only a few moments that happen in an average week. Your Director has a thousand more just like them as they try to meet everyone’s needs, often at the expense of their own well being in a role that asks far more than any one person can realistically do.
What you may see is the group chats between parents. Maybe you are part of them. The quick texts and the theories about a center-wide message that went out and what it could really mean. A side conversation about the staff member who left, and the assumptions that start to fill in the blanks. Somehow, these tiny details become a full storyline by bedtime. And as a parent myself, I really do get it. When you love your child fiercely, you want to understand their day. You want answers and clarity when you don’t understand a decision or process.
But what you may not know is that the Director almost always hears the chatter long after everyone has gone home. It is hard to explain how it feels when a story grows without the context a Director is legally required to protect. You do not see that moment when they have to stay silent, even though one sentence would clear everything up. They deal with the pressure and judgement because they have to, even when they know the decision was the right one. And then they get up the next morning and try again, hoping the day gives everyone a little more grace.
There is also a constant push and pull. I have sat in meetings where a teacher whispered that she could not manage another day like the one she just had. Ten minutes later I listened to a parent wonder if they would need to quit their job because their child’s behavior felt too big for everyone. Directors deeply care about both, but they are operating in a broken system without the necessary support to give either one the level of care they deserve.
Your Director is giving it everything they have, every day. They are trying to keep staff motivated and excited about their work. They are trying to keep your child safe and supported. They are trying to keep you informed and reassured. They are planning events, spirit days, and shared family experiences while trying to keep an entire building running with limited resources. They are the glue that holds it all together.
So this Thanksgiving, if you find a quiet moment to think about the people who make your days possible, I hope your child’s Director comes to mind. And if you are ready to be part of their village, here are a few ideas:
One sincere comment can lift them more than you might realize. Even just, “I know your job is hard and I’m grateful for you” means more than you may realize.
If conversations start swirling in a group chat, chiming in with a small reminder that none of us ever know the full story can help bring everyone back to a kinder place.
Give them grace on timing with their email responses. If something is urgent, call. If not, remember that most Directors would love nothing more than ten uninterrupted minutes at their desk to catch up.
And if your child has a great day, or you loved an event that was planned, tell them. Parents often reach out when something goes wrong, not when something goes right. Hearing the good moments keeps Directors going more than you think.
And finally, to all the Directors who may read this, I hope something in here makes you take a breath and realize that there are parents out there who truly get it. We all know that no post can ever capture the level of responsibility that is expected of you, but the more we talk about it, the more we can work together toward solutions.
Your role is incredibly hard and deeply important. I am grateful for the work each and every one of you do, because none of this would run without you.
And if you ever want a space where none of this needs to be explained or justified, this is your official invitation to join the Directors Collective, a community created exclusively for leaders in Early Childhood Education. I create resources, newsletters, and the kind of support systems I always wished existed, and I share them to help lighten your mental load. There is room for you. It is free. And I sincerely hope you join us. Click Subscribe below and I will see you next week!
